A new form of education

'Students First In Line' Program To Offer Job Training At Needy Schools


I absolutely loved this clip from the Onion News Source. I was browsing around the clips, looking for something I was interested in, and lo and behold an education clip pops up. As an education major, I find myself constantly intrigued and concerned about our nation's growing problems with its education system. The Onion, as it usually does, highlights many of these wonderfully in this clip.

First and foremost, the subject of this clip is a school whose curriculum--that is maths,science, and literature-is replaced by something called the "Students First in Line" program (i.e. first in the line of combat). Basically, the standard education classes have been replaced by classes devoted to military training and basic survival skills. This program, as the principal states, ensures that "No Able-Bodied Student is Left Behind."


The tone of this clip is one of sarcasm and satire, in place to ridicule not only our nation's education system but the pressure of the military on students to enlist. Additionally, the issue of No Child Left Behind is briefly spoofed. The current Act does indeed leave children behind, as schools who do not perform up to standard are simply denied future funding--making it nearly impossible for these districts to increase their test performance. In this clip, this entire problem is "solved" by replacing the standard curricula with military training classes. No longer does it matter how intelligent a student is (or, in reality, how well they can take a test on a certain day). If they can walk, they can pass. If they can handle a weapon, they will not be left behind.

For many students of lower socio-economic status, the military is often presented as one of the only options after graduation (that is...gasp!...if the student even graduates! (teacher sarcasm there)). I think that on some level this clip is addressing the students of the nation about this very issue. Yes, for some the military is a good option for post-graduation. But it isn't the only option out there. and when it is presented in this way, where students are automatically assumed to only be good enough for boot camp, it makes students realize that their classes might not be all that "pointless" after all. Post-graduation holds so many possibilities for students if they just put their minds to it (wow I sound like an education ad), but in the hypothetical realm of this clip the only training students leave high school with is for military combat.


Knowledge has long been considered a weapon (of incredible good, however). This clip is using a play-on-words there, I think. The weapons of knowledge and social skills usually taught in school are replaced by the weapons of combat. Another proud moment for a nation who appears to value military spending (and in other countries, nonetheless) over its own educational system. This clip is using the duality of the word "weapon" to address this idea, as well as the controversy surrounding the question: why are we spending so much overseas when our nation's schools are in such desperate need of help? The military needs of the country are shown as overshadowing the needs of the schools--they, indeed, completely overrun the educational system and become the standard form of curriculum in this satirical clip.

Getting political...sorry. It's hard not to when education is one of your deepest passions.

Furthermore, the visuals in this clip really play on Emotional reasoning and argument. The image of a child holding a gun creates an image in most people's minds of shock. Absolute horror. Disgust in every possible way. And here is an entire clip of children handling weapons (BAZOOKAS for goodness sake) and engaging in military training. That's the thing that the article, through this satirical newscast, is trying to get along. Our nation's soldiers are getting younger and younger. There are so many of them in actual combat right now who just turned 18. It may not seem this way to us (since we are not much older), but to the general population those soldiers are just kids. Children! Handling weapons and fighting overseas and dying and doing things most adults would never dream of. I guess that brought out another emotional point for me, too.

I saw a bumper sticker once that read, "When we're done building Iraq, can we rebuild our schools?" The satire in the clip highlights this issue beautifully, in that it just solves the problem at the source--get rid of education!

~KT